Days Like These
by darkmoonvampire
Summary: Moments in which we tell someone how we feel and it gets drowned in the silence. Glances and knowing looks that tell not just a story but a lifetime. We can't take back words that we never said. Somewhere, some time, we felt something along the way. (A series of one shots between our favourite Captain and First Officer in no particular order).
1. Disenchanted

Disenchanted:

Basically she had waited too long. That was what it all came down to in the end. She should have known that eventually he wouldn't wait and find happiness somewhere else; more importantly with _someone else._ Still it hurt to know that whatever they had shared throughout their journey home, he had apparently long forgotten about it.

On the bright side her future self had guaranteed his lifelong happiness with his future wife. She should be proud of the Admiral for coming up with such a drastic plan yet she can't help but feel betrayed that the older woman had gone back just that little bit further and maybe she could've written herself a happy ending instead.

_Selfish_ is what she was or perhaps she was selfless? After all she did give the man who she had come to rely on and care deeply for to another woman. That was her greatest weakness and unfortunately he hadn't seen through it at all.

With her crew finally home safe and sound her responsibility for their lives is over. She can finally start to forgive herself and try to build a life for herself. But she's now got to settle for someone else and no man could ever in a million years, across the entire galaxy compare to _him._

It's what she deserves at least that what she convinces herself. The magic that pulled them together when they started this harrowing journey through unknown and perilous territory had fizzled out. The spark in his eyes that he subconsciously allowed to light up his eyes when she stepped on the bridge died out. Or rather changed direction and focused on something much younger and far more appealing than she had ever been.

She had withdrawn to hide behind the Captain mask and ultimately Kathryn had somewhere along the way stopped existing. The woman who was free and carried no burden was gone and replaced by a guilt ridden Captain trying desperately to get her crew home before it was too late for them to get back to their lives.

Simply because of her stupid need to keep the Captain alive, Kathryn had died and therefore the Cold, hard, _thing_ had disenchanted the warm and comforting First Officer. Fire and Ice can only collide for so long before either the Ice melts or the Fire puffs out and her frozen armour was still too intact even for her own liking.

Watching him with the former Borg now turned young eager and enchanting woman, she knows that in all honestly it is all her fault, both past, present and future self. All versions of her had failed to take into account that although she could turn herself into a selfless machine, he could not.

She wonders briefly how their lives would have turned out if she had accepted all he had to offer and gave him everything she was in return. Images flash through her mind at warp speed of them married, constantly laughing through both the good and the bad times. Then they twist and churn out with him dead because she had made a grave mistake because her head was clouded by her heart.

No, she knows that this is best for everyone because she had not once considered her needs as part of the equation. So she forces her eyes away from them and onto more pressing matters; like what the Admirals are actually saying to her because she has been paying attention for... well she simply has no idea.

_Disenchanted _is the perfect way to describe the man who once swore to her that her needs became before his own. But if she had been looking his way for a second longer then maybe she would've seen his eyes flicker over to her and see that spark in his eyes that had been diminished so long ago.

A/N: So I've been watching Voyager again as it's showing on the SYFY channel and this just randomly popped into my head and I just had to write it down! So anyway it's a one shot and I'm thinking of just writing different one shots whenever I feel like it. Please let me know what you think


	2. Pocket Watch

Pocket Watch:

A dozen different emotions coursed through her body when she discovered the pocket watch amongst the rubble of his quarters. She remembers when he had presented it to her on their broken bridge for her birthday and she had refused it without hesitation. The hurt and disappointment that she did not spare more than a glance at it was evident in his voice as he tried to change her mind.

The fact that he had not forgotten her birthday when Voyager was literally falling apart around them had spoken volumes. The fact that he had gone and disobeyed her direct orders and kept it in secret, awaiting for this year of hell to be over so he could once again give it to her spoke even more than anything else.

She smiled a true bright smile that lit up her entire face that had her cheeks aching to the now foreign movement. Really he might as well have said he loved her because this simple act shouted it out and it almost brought tears to her eyes because he was no longer with her. It felt like yesterday when he and Tom had been beamed aboard the Krenim ship and sometimes it felt like a lifetime.

She tied it securely to her waist; she never wanted to lose sight of it nor the comfort it brought to her. It was like having a part of him tied to her, to signify the unexplainable and unbreakable bond between them. It reignited her determination to fight all the odds and find a way to bring him back to her and when she succeeded she would show him just how much she appreciated his thoughtfulness and lead them into a happier future, together.

When all was said and done, she had nothing but that pocket watch to comfort her as Voyager sailed the final distance into the Krenim ship. She gripped it tightly and as she melted into oblivion she could only hope that the timeline would be set right.

So when the time came round for Chakotay to present her with the pocket watch for her birthday she would not waste this second chance to be together.


	3. Sparring Match

Sparring Match:

Jab. Jab. Counter. Jab.

They had been going on like this for half an hour already and Chakotay wasn't sure if Kathryn was holding back or if she really was as bad as she appeared. They were on the Holodeck having a friendly boxing match. It was only yesterday that he had recovered from nearly going insane and gotten them out of Chaotic space. He told her that he rather found it relaxing and surprisingly she replied with a quick retort and an appointed time for her to join him the next morning.

In all honesty Chakotay thought that the Captain, although his best and closest friend had only been jesting at the idea of boxing with him. To let him know that she understood that he had his own way of working things out and she had hers. So when she came waltzing up to him in her gym gear, which he found rather fitting and just a little distracting he didn't know how to proceed.

"Good morning, are you ready to rumble?" She smirked at him and placed one hand on her hip as he input the program settings.

"And here I thought I was just having a friendly match with the Captain." He quipped back and the program began to run and the doors opened up for them.

"Kathryn." She corrected him as she followed behind him and he had to turn round and give her a questioning look. "I don't think the Captain can get away with boxing and beating her First Officer."

"Confident aren't we?" Was all he could say in reply and led them to the ring.

Her confidence had been short lived though when he discovered that her form wasn't very good. It had obviously been some time since Kathryn had done anything like boxing. However she was picking it up with ease and Chakotay was slightly worried that if they continued on for another half hour then she would start to become a bit too challenging for him to handle.

She paused in her attack and raised one gloved hand up in surrender as she used the back of her other hand to wipe the sweat off her brow. He couldn't help himself as he used this brief respite to take in her appearance. She was wearing a tight fitted red gym vest that now stuck to her slender frame even more and those black gym shorts had risen up and were starting to show much more of her thigh than he had ever seen in their 5 years of travelling together.

'_Other than that time when you almost saw her naked.'_ The devil voice popped up out of nowhere inside his mind. It was always that voice that remarked dangerous lines of thought that always only involved Kathryn.

Chakotay had to shake his head to get his head back in the game and due to his own frustration he decided to up his skills and test Kathryn's defences.

Jab. Jab. Swift left hook. Jab.

She had managed to avoid his first two jabs but had only just swirled her body out of his path from his left hook only to have lost her footing when he went to jab her again. She went down with all the grace of a drowning cat and hit the floor, hard.

Her limbs were sprawled out and the air in her lungs was all but gone. She stayed down truly winded and allowed herself to gain her bearings and tried to formulate where that sudden outburst had come from. Her storm blue eyes gazed up at his coffee brown ones and she could see the shock and surprise at his actions flick across them. However it was the small smirk that was making its way on his lips that burst into a full out grin as a chuckle escaped him.

So he found her predicament amusing and she elected to play dirty in retaliation. In true Chakotay fashion he bent over slightly and offered her his hands to get her off of the floor and continue their match. Kathryn gladly accepted them and allowed him to pull her up, though he overestimated his strength and as soon as she was standing up she collided with him and he stumbled backwards.

She went to push all the way over so then he could lay about on the floor and she stand triumphantly over him, however that pesky Chakotay latched onto her arms in tighter and pulled her down on top of him.

They landed unceremoniously with a loud thud. Their legs tangled together and she was against his entire body. In that moment it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began. Then Kathryn felt the vibrations beneath her start to form and rumble as pure blissful laughter erupted from Chakotay. Her face pressed against his chest she could hear the racing beat of his heart and she lost herself in its rhythm and the music of his laughter that she too joined him.

They don't know how long they stayed like that, the two of them collapsed in a heap laughing with everything they had. Both content with the situation and not having a care in the galaxy, it felt like such a relief to just be themselves, Kathryn and Chakotay instead of Captain and First Officer.

When they finally came down from the high, they were both instantly aware of the awkward position they were in. Kathryn pushed herself up from his chest and found her eyes drowning in his as he gazed back at her. The tension that had always been between, that burning electricity that defied all physics had increased tenfold.

Chakotay then realised that he hadn't been in such a close proximity to Kathryn in quite some time. He's not sure what came over him but all of a sudden he was pushing himself up onto his elbows, forcing his face to be only centimetres away from hers. Their breaths mingling together and doing funny things to both their bodies respectively.

He had made his move and now he left the ball in her court as he always did when things got personal between them. Her pupils dilated with ecstasy and it fascinated him just how they could stay in control and not lose themselves to their most basic desires.

Kathryn could feel her heart beating so fast that she feared it might explode from the pressure. She had to control her breathing very carefully for his scent was smothering her and she enjoyed every second of it. She was sat in his lap, her hands resting on his chest and she realised that she had never been this close to Chakotay, not even during their time on New Earth had they come so close to _this._

Without thinking she edged closer ever so slightly and bumped her nose against his and found that she could not retreat now. She watched in delight as his eyes widened with her unexpected move before they closed and he sucked in a breath in anticipation. She closed her eyes and tilted her head and to the side for a better angle and found the courage to finish this once and for all.

Unfortunately all good things must come to an end.

"10 minutes to Alpha shift." The computers voice boomed throughout the Holodeck and their eyes snapped open.

Chakotay had completely forgotten that he had set a timer to remind them when they were due to report for their shifts. He watched in silent horror was the woman Kathryn withdrew from him as if he burned her and stood quickly away from him. When she stood and straightened her back; he knew that Kathryn was gone for the day and that the Captain had took her place.

She had been so tantalising close to finally crossing that barrier between them and he had ruined it all.

"Well that was...Interesting Commander. Thank you." Was all she said as she made her out to the Holodeck doors.

His eyes followed her in complete silence and his soul began to shatter to the fact that they may never get this chance again. However she stopped on the threshold and turned to look back at him. Her Captains mask never falted but her words gave him hope.

"Until the next time."


	4. Real Enough

Real Enough:

As the day had originally started out at promising with Tom and B'Elanna getting married, it had all very quickly gone downhill. So they had found out that they weren't the 'real' crew of Voyager but instead duplicates that had set out trying to be their original counterparts.

Well whichever she looked at it she was Kathryn Janeway and that never going to change. She had never been anyone or anything else and she was damned well not going to go back on her word to get her crew home to Earth.

So when Chakotay had come to her quarters, telling her that she had made a mistake in not turning the ship around and heading to their place of origin, she truly didn't know what to do.

"Maybe this wasn't a good idea after all." Was all she said and that pretty much concluded the whole conversation in her view. There wasn't much else she could say that they hadn't already discussed.

"Actually, there was something else that I wanted to talk to you about." Apparently duplicate or not Chakotay could always adapt and see things differently according to every situation. She shouldn't have been surprised really, she had said it herself they were or they were regardless of how they came into existence. The memories they had, the emotions were real and defined them, just somewhere out there other people felt them too.

"Oh?" She was stumped as to what it could be, she could only think about her ship and crew losing themselves into oblivion, nothing else had come across her mind. "What is it?"

His dark eyes were studying her and she could tell that he was assessing her. Evaluating her just to make sure she was exactly as he remembered. Strange that they were all probably going to compare one another to their original counterparts despite the fact that they were identical.

"I wanted to discuss us." His voice was uncertain and his eyes averted to the floor for a few seconds before he found the courage to gaze directly into her eyes. "Way I see it we're not bound Starfleet parameters and regulations. Heck we're not even human ourselves, let alone belong to the Federation." His hands were twitching nervously and so he opted to place them on the back of the chair at the dinner table with food that was now probably cold.

Kathryn Janeway was speechless for a moment, after all, with all their problems there was no way she could have predicted this. Though a part of her was flattered that even with the ship literally falling apart around them, he still thought of her in ways he really shouldn't.

"Chakotay - " She started to protest and raised her hands to try and let him down easy but he interrupted her before she got anywhere.

"Don't give me any of those responsibilities and duties excuses." His eyes were stern but still caring and his body language informed her that he wasn't going without a fight.

"I don't know anything else!" She turned away from him to face the viewport and placed her hands over her face. How could they really be talking about such a thing at a time like this? She didn't know and quite frankly she was appalled at the both of them for even bringing it up at all. Didn't they owe the dead more than that? She spun back around to face him, doing the only thing she could and that was defend herself. "I can't be anyone other than Captain Kathryn Janeway! My priorities are to get this crew home and I can't have anything interfere with that!" Her voice was pleading for him to understand, to let her continue doing the only thing she knew how.

"I don't want you to be anyone else. Duplicate or not, you're real enough of Kathryn Janeway for me." He declared and he let go of the chair that he had been clutching tightly and started to walk towards her. "You said it yourself, our memories our emotions are real." He stopped inside her personal bubble and slowly placed his hands over hers and held onto them gently. "I once said that I wouldn't sacrifice the present for a future that may never happen."

She couldn't recall the last time her had been so close to her. Her senses were overloading with his close proximity and it was sending her wild, she knew that she was powerless against him. He was the rising tide and she the shore he would strike against. Her throat was intensely dry and she found no words would come to her, she could only stand and stare up at him and wonder what those lips of his were truly capable of.

"Well we don't have much a future the way I see it and the way I feel about you hasn't changed. Our original counterparts may never get the chance to explore more than friendship but I don't see why we should suffer as well." His voice was so gentle and caring and so human that if it wasn't for the specks of skin discolouring she would have believed he was the real Chakotay. Everything about him was absolute; he didn't lose himself in his doubts and believes whereas she was crumbling in hers.

They remained like that in silence for what seemed like an eternity. When she made no attempts to escape his grasp he took that as acceptance and leaned in to kiss her. The contact was brief but electrifying, every fibre of their beings were set alight and burning bright. When he pulled away he was happy to find that she was smiling at him and then her hands were wrapped around his neck and bringing him back down to have their lips collide again in a passionate melody.

It didn't matter that they weren't the real Kathryn and Chakotay because what they felt was real enough.


	5. Stay With Me

Stay With Me:

She was dying again when Voyager needed her most; when he needed her most and he just simply didn't know what to do. She was just lying there, ever so still under the vigilance of the Doctor but even he wasn't sure if he could save her this time around. She'd brush against death before but this time just seemed a little closer than the others, this time looked like it might the final round and it wasn't in her favour.

They were travelling through Borg space, 8472 were winning so far and they were losing everything around them including the Captain.

Chakotay honestly didn't know what was worst, having a Borg on the ship or seeing Kathryn dying in front of him. He never should have allowed her to beam over to the Borg ship to begin with, because that way she wouldn't be fighting for her life right this minute.

He held her hand in his and prayed to the spirits to bring her back to him. He told her of his plan to not follow through the alliance and hoped that she would be awake and alive again to be angry with him about going against her then to silently win and have her never say another word.

It wasn't until much later when they survived the whole incident and had the Borg in the brig that she eventually came to see him again. The chime went outside his quarters and he knew it wouldn't be anyone else at such a late hour.

"Come in." He beckoned and sat on his sofa as the doors opened and she took the couple of steps to cross the threshold into his living space.

She was nervous as she walked over to him and sat down beside him. She didn't say anything as she kicked off her shoes and rested her head on his shoulder. It was a gesture that they had shared many times before, whenever one of them had a brush with death they would spend the following night together. There was nothing romantic about it; they would just simply sit in each other's company just to reassure themselves that they were alive. However she had never gotten so close to him this before and she seemed to be actively seeking his embrace rather than have him wrap his arms around her awkwardly.

He manoeuvred her to sit in his lap and was thoroughly surprised when she didn't protest a single word. She placed a hand on his chest over his heart, and nestled her head in the crook of his neck seeking whatever sanctuary she so desperately needed in that moment. He had his arms loose around her waist fearful that she may bolt any second because this was far too personal for a Captain and First Officer to behave but here in the Delta Quadrant it didn't matter.

"Stay with me." Is all she say finally after an eternity and she eventually drifts off to sleep securely in the safety of his arms.

"Always." He whispers even though she has already fallen asleep. He lightly kisses the top of her head and succumbs to sleep with her scent drowning his senses and he rests easily that night.


End file.
